No, It's Not a Curse To Be Single

  To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain single as I do"- 1 Corinthians 7:8

What is wrong with you? Are you possessed? Is it fear of commitment?

If you're a single woman and within the "marriageable age" (supposedly between the ages of 25 and 40), you've probably been hassled with the above questions either by family members/friends/neighbours. Perhaps you've encountered the "kind" ones who are ever generous with their sympathetic/encouraging words of "oh, don't worry, there's someone out there for you, keep praying" or the meddler who suggests exorcism as you may be possessed by some spiritual husband (rolls eyes), and just in case it's that difficult for you to find someone, there's the benevolent matchmaker who tries to hookup you up with every tom, harry and dick.

Undoubtedly, there is palpable societal prejudices/pressures/expectations on single women to get married or be in a relationship (at least) at a certain point in time, otherwise be labelled as "not okay".

A new study (in the US) reviews the societal and familial challenges single women face when they reach their mid-30s, and the researchers found out that although the number of single women has increased, the stigma associated with being single at that age has not diminished. Regardless of the difference in the cultural and geographical nature of the study, the issue is also applicable to the ordeals of the single woman in our world.

The list is endless; there is the low self-esteemed man on Facebook who tries to deride your standards in some sorry list that basically urges you to compromise on your standards and settle for less, there's the monkey on your Blackberry contact who banters incessantly about how many more Saturdays left before 2013 runs out, and so forth.

And so, many of us start believing that something is actually wrong with us because we're still not married at a certain age, and as a result, we start accepting and internalizing other people's issues, thereby compromising on our own standards in the process in other to meet the expectations of others.

And what happens?

"I don't have a choice, I'll manage", "Quitting and going back to being single now that he has finally (after series of depreciating herself probably ) agreed to fix a date is not an option", were some of the unending cogitations of a friend of mine who is in an abusive relationship, and yet some people think single ladies need exorcism. Misplaced priorities if you ask me. I told her it's not okay to be in an unhealthy relationship just to evade being lonely or single. She retorted with, "you will not understand". I was flabbergasted and at the same time felt a strong urge to thump her head. Yes! Like my friend, a lot of us lose faith in God and start settling for less than we deserve. Some get into abusive/traumatizing relationships/marriages, while some would rather remain in unproductive/futile relationship because they are scared of loneliness and wouldn't want to be branded single and searching.

Well, to you single woman who's already started to feel there's something wrong with her, snap out of it, because there is nothing wrong with you. IT IS NOT A CURSE TO BE SINGLE (yes, I'm yelling, if that is the way to get it registered in your head)!!! And to the unperturbed sister who has chosen that she wants to settle down and not settle in spite of societal expectancies, the confident woman who feels the person in the mirror deserves the best, or the lady who believes she doesn't have to boost or validate herself by being with just any man, I applaud you.

As a single woman, don't yield to the demands of others, the desire to be cured of your spinsterhood (it's not a disease) or the quest to join the clique of your married friends  to pair off with a random man. In the words of Susan Pease, "the world doesn't need more married people, the world needs more happy people".

Evident in this wise adage is the reality that relationships is not a guarantee to contentment or bliss. At the risk of appearing judgmental (which is absolutely not the case), it is a fact that many married people are lonely and unhappy, yet we are not barraged with write-ups about how they should work on getting divorced.

While you pray and wait on God to order your steps to the right person, embrace your singleness, and love every morsel of your status.

What else can we do?

We can focus on discovering ourselves and what we're about. There's no other time that provides us the opportunity to learn about who we are, our likes and dislikes, values, what makes us happy, our life expectations, some aspects of our lives we consider uncompromisable, as doing so guarantees that we don't lose ourselves in relationships.

We can enjoy our freedom while it lasts, freedom from family and marital obligations, a la financial responsibilities, safety, personal and academical future of another person. Buy whatever you want to buy (so far you don't get in debt), eat what you want to (so far it's healthy), travel and live the way that interests you (here's also hoping your way is safe and right : D ). I know it sounds narcissistic, but think about it objectively. There's no better time to be selfish than when you're single.

We can dedicate our time to serve God and mankind, as advocated by St Paul to the Corinthians like I quoted above all. Having lived that life himself, Paul realized that being single availed him more time to pray and serve God through service (in addition to preaching the word) to fellow Christians. This is where we sacrifice our unrestricted time to offer community/charitable/philanthropic services to help better other people's lives.

The list continues.... Tap into your own self and discover all the potentials that you can utilize while single. Be happy because being single is a good thing.

:-D