Here In My Office

I have mixed feelings about my office.

Physically, it is not that appealing to me, although I've received several compliments about its space and the two newly bought philosophical paintings in it.

The space is massive that it could comfortably accommodate five more desks with zero inconvenience. It's partially enclosed with some sheets framed in aluminum scaffolds, and stands tall at about five feet, which means that human heads are most likely to pop up from time to time either to ask how my night was, if I could spare some sheets of paper or it's just a comment on the soft music playing from my computer. 

The roominess and subtle exposure evoked a feeling-- tininess in a corner. It got to the point I had to bring in a second table. Although this move didn't cure my psychological disposition, it helped the typical monotony of my sitting position. At least, the second table is now intended for more urgent works, where and when I don't need distractions from my gadgets or desk clutters.

I admit that my office could use a lot of my personal touch to give it the homey ambiance that I yearn for like a fluffy rug under my table for feet rest, fresh flowers to fan the embers of positivity as well as bring in some air of nature. Maybe I need to also provide a fridge to contain my little chocolatey/groundnuty indulgence, hoping it would also serve my visitors, and finally, replace the photo of GEJ and some other mean faces staring down my head in the most unfriendly gazes with my newly acquired artworks.

Despite these self perceived physical inadequacies and demands, it is still my chamber of inspirations, experiences, convenience and achievements. 

In this haven, I discovered common Q-Tips are irresistible items of distraction and entertainment. The cute transparent container holding them is the first thing people want to reach for before they remember to take a seat. The dreaminess in their eyes, their arched heads and mumblings when they dab their ears cast me into a trance where I am this powerful morphin that is the panacea to all their pains. It is a miraculous feeling. 

Again, in this haven, the idea of Koko Hill was birthed, to name but a few.

I love my limitless space.

I Pledge To Nigeria- To Promote Road Worthiness

He claims to be a friend but is a snarer in an authorized ill-fitted regalia. The peril mothers advise their sons to be wary of.

While his finger clenches the rifle trigger on one hand, forcefully, he flags down my vehicle with the other hand, dishing out orders of "park park park" in the most livid tone, even when it's obvious I am making to park. He doesn't care I'm human and not a deranged dog. Just before I bring the car to a full halt, he taps so frantically on my window. "Easy", I say, feeling creases start to form on my forehead.

Amidst my anger, I greet. The unfriendliness that flash through his bloodshot and stern eyes is all I get in response to my "hello".

Through sprinkles of spittle, he dishes out more commands in the most hostile and intimidating tone, probably in retaliation to my "easy" reprimand earlier. Perhaps, he had seen me in his dream the night before as the only female member of a fierce criminal squad that engaged him in a gun battle. I can never tell.

He demands for my papers and commands almost immediately, "come down"! I have a mind to feign sickness as an excuse not to come down, but remember an opportunity I cherish a lot, where I get to toss my hair in the snarer's face and strut the proud walk when he finds no reason to extort from me.  I seize the chance.

I step down, walk to him, and hand him my papers. He looks down on my hand, stops half way in a move to collect the papers. His gaze comes back up to my face. I stand my ground. My confident demeanor infuriates him the more. He casts me a hateful look. I don't budge, but I wonder, "what now"?

As if he's in my head, he asks "didn't you learn to not hand things out with your left hand", "don't you have respect"? A law enforcement officer is furious, faults and abuses me for being a lefty. I sense he wants to provoke me to retaliate. I can easily fall into his trap, because I itch badly to challenge his baseless notion. But I'm aware how others like him tend to amplify and manipulate trivial situations to chalk up pointless leverage, especially when you're guiltless of any actual defaults. They can come up with stuff like how it's unacceptable to ply certain routes or an accusation for being condescending becasue the word "can" appeared in your interactions. 

"It doesn't matter", I tell him, flipping the papers in the air. Well, I am too upset not to retaliate someway.

My lack of remorse further infuriates him. "Get out", he yells angrily at me.

I hesitate a bit, and finally walk to my car, too discouraged by the staggering disrepute and  lack of professionalism in an occupation that should be the noblest. Has the police force become a profession for oppressors, extortionists, bullies, rude and cruel individuals, whose modus operandi is terrorizing the same people they are meant to guard, protect and safeguard?

I moan about my experience, but It gets worse. 

As I write this, a Keke driver is being compelled to fork over part of his hard earned stipend to an inconsiderate and shameless gun wielding police officer or risk having his motor confiscated. Expectedly, a lot of them would rather part with N50 than N10,000 or thereabouts demurrage. Another defaulting bus driver is being left off  the lead, because he bribed an officer. It doesn't matter if he doesn't have his driver's license or current particulars.

How can one begin to justify this? 

Luckily, I find an e-copy of the Nigeria Police Code of Conduct. Unfortunately, the precepts and what is obtainable are a contradiction in terms.

1. Police officer acts as an official representative of government who is required and trusted to work within the law. The fundamental duties of a police officer include serving the community, all to liberty, equality and justice.

Well, many police officers serve nobody but themselves, their bottomless pocket, not the people they vows to serve, and definitely not the government who pays them.

2. All citizens will be treated equally with courtesy, consideration and dignity. Officers will never allow personal feelings, animosities or friendships to influence official conduct. Laws will be enforced appropriately and courteously.

By showing courtesy, consideration and dignity, an officer can yell manically at innocent motorists, rap knuckles on their windows, and then abuse them when they're not guilty of any default.

3. A police officer will not engage in acts of corruption or bribery, nor will an officer condone such acts by other police officers. Officers will refuse to accept any gifts, subscriptions, favours, gratuities or promises that could be interpreted as seeking to cause the officer to refrain from performing official responsibilities honestly and within the law.

No, no, no, officers DO accept these things either through compulsion or solicitation, and failure to oblige could attract some corporal punishment like frog jumps or other penalties like having one's car impounded (as is the case with commercial motorists mostly).

I'm reading the rest of the guidelines, trying to reconcile it with current situations and I'm shockingly smacked by the gross discrepancies, worse still, the fact that we've endorsed this sin as a normal obligations that have just repercussions if unfulfilled. In fact, it's become the place of passengers to remind drivers to "do the needful and save their times". Yes, that unperturbed. A particular woman almost jumped out of her skin, nudged me abruptly in a way to shush me when I did the unthinkable-- reprimanded an officer for delaying our Keke driver until he "settled"them, even though his papers were intact.

Nigeria is fraught with degenerative corruption. Our tolerance, sponsorship and passivity on the other hand perpetuate it, and have sort of numbed its negative implications. It is evident in our "that's Nigeria for you" slogan we've adopted whenever we try to validate one evil act or another. So, rather than seek to promote goodness/correctness, we adopt degrading survival instincts to cope. The bus driver would rather save lots of N50 notes for every checkpoint than update his particulars. Passengers would rather the driver part with "white" than endure paper checks and the (snarer's) calculated delays to frustrate drivers and passengers.

Well, enough is enough. I reject the connotations of the "that is Nigeria for you" slogan. 

I believe in the Nigeria that is headed for greatness in integrity, honour, goodness and justice.

Therefore, I pledge to Nigeria to present up to date and valid vehicle particulars at checkpoints, wait patiently throughout the check process, instead of N50 naira notes or forged papers. It is called civic responsibility.